I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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