I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize