Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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