he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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