Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
