hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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