I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
