Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
