The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
