Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
