Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
