Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
