Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize