Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
