We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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