everyone is single if you try hard enough
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
