I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
