I think I won the penis lottery.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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