Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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