Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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