i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am naked and annoyed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
