i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
