Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
