yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
