I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
