Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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