Sry I called you an 8
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
