Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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