she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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