I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
