What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize