peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
