so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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