remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hippo gnu deer
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
