My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
