Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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