My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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