pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
