dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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