I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
