i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
