I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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