Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
