he thought i was a dude.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
