so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
