i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
