Sober January is a disaster.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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