One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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