Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
