separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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