I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize