I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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