Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
