I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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