yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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