She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Semen is not good for contacts.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
