Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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