could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize