I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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